The Big Unspoken.

I left some words out of the book of life yesterday. I could not bring myself to speak them. I attended a beautiful memorial/celebration of life service yesterday, for a gorgeous, sweet, intelligent, funny, wonderful and very much loved young woman known as Donna Fife. So much to say, but I don't know how to say it and didn't have the nerve yesterday to try. I had the spirit but did not have the guts, and it was all just kind of stuck there in the center of my heart, along with the sorrow and heartbreak. My friend Mark was so strong, and the words he spoke of her and their life together were so very touching. He spoke of the time they stood alone together on Kilauea, on top of a volcano, just the two of them. He read a magnificent poem, as everyone wept. He spoke of the time she reached up and plucked a single plumeria flower from a nearby tree, and placed it in her long blond hair. Little moments of joy. He shared one or two of those moments with us, and it must have been so difficult for him to do.

While there are no words that can heal the hurt that Mark and Donna's families are going through right now, what we can do is testify. I could have testified to the truth of the goodness of this gentle man, his incredibly beautiful family, and his funny but serious ways, but felt it would have been inappropriate for me to speak at the service of someone whom I had known of from a respectful distance. I stayed in touch with Rosann maybe three times over thirty years because I still cared, and when you meet people like them you never forget them. I knew from her that Mark was happy, crazy about Donna and they were having a fun life and going places, and that made me happy for them. We are all products of our environment, and what great environment to be in, a great big family, they worked hard and played hard and built a sweet life together. The families shared many dozens of photos from throughout her life and it was a beautiful, deep and meaningful service in her honor, and I am proud to call him my friend. They belong to the PT Cruisers of Silicon Valley, and there were about 50 or 60 spectactular PT Cruisers in the parking lot there in Willow Glen. I estimate there were about 400 people there, the place was filled to capacity. There were many important people there, and I simply wanted to pay my respects and support Mark.

It was interesting to hear Rosann as she spoke of her daughter. Daughter-in-law, technically, but knowing Rosann I'm confident that Donna was just as much her daughter as her own daughter is. I took special note of Rosann calling Donna the backbone, which apparently she was, of many things but Rosann defines the word backbone so she should know. A driven and brave lady with a love so fierce for her kids, she made an enormous impression on me when I was young, as a working mom with five kids to raise and she did all that with the power of love. I should have stayed in touch more often but honestly thought it best to love from a distance and go on.

From those who spoke at the service - a sister, cousins, bosses, co-workers, project managers, people she had known and enjoyed, loved and worked with in her life, everyone absolutely loved her. How funny she was. Some nicknamed her Sergeant Fife. She must have loved the water because practically every photo was of her near some kind of body of water. All her friends and family, husband, brave and solumn, up there sharing glimpses of her life and their love for one another, pictures taken all over the globe at all kinds of events, near and faraway places, smiling faces of happy people, children, dogs, friends and family, she must have had a life filled with joy, love, a great job, people who adored her, and a loyal, loving husband with a strong and dedicated heart.

But like Mark said, it wasn't her time. It is so wrong of everything I know of in the entire universe that she was taken from him. It has been hard the last couple of weeks for anyone to make any sense of her death. But what was mostly spoken of yesterday was how many lives she touched. She even touched my life. You know how life tweaks us this way and that and after graduation I went my way, Mark went his, joined the Navy, and I just never forgot him, his hilarious personality, the things we did and saw and places we went, once upon a time. He taught me how to notice things. We were part of each other's environment, just for a little while. Things happen as they are supposed to, and we will never understand why things take the turns they do and thus is the mystery of life, its unpredictability. But no one could have predicted this. This was not supposed to happen.

I consider myself fortunate to have been a small part of that family's past, because Mark is a truly great, cool guy with a rock and roll heart and he did not deserve this, no one does. That was a sweet, fitting remembrance for an incredibly beautiful person. He made sure she had a wonderful life, she shared with him a wonderful life. That is solid truth. But it should not have happened in the first place. I have a lot to say about what happened to her, but that is better left unspoken. For now.

Rest in Peace, Donna. Try to find peace where you can, Mark. I am so sorry for your loss. Long live your love.