Correction/Update.

Regarding my wish that John Grisham's book "A Painted House" be made into a full-length film featuring Clint Eastwood, forget it. It's over. Hallmark aired a "nice" albeit watered-down version of it last Sunday, with the stringy guy from "The Right Stuff" in the Pappy role. Good enough it was done at all.

So, moving right along for great film wishes for the remaining great books, I am still waiting for Conroy's "Beach Music," hopefully sans Streisand, to be made, and if ever "A Man In Full," by Thomas Wolfe, is ever fleshed out, I hope they cast the late great Bernie Allard in the role of Charlie Croker. It would be superbly fitting.

I love you, Bernie. Always have.

Coming Soon:

Finally, my favorite Star Wars character, respected.
May 2005. If they're clever they'll release it on the fifth of May, just for the sake of choosing a memorable release date. As in 05/05/05.
I hope I live that long.

X-Treme Sports.

A fun-filled bike trip Saturday found me recovering from the effects of some very deceiving-looking mud on the Bay Trail near the Alviso wetlands preserve. All I can say is, I went "exploring" and "it looked dry at the time." I actually liked the mud flicking off my tires at wild angles, spattering me with the scent of earth. Thank goodness I know someone who lives nearby so I could hose off my bike before further disaster struck. If that mud had dried on the brakes and gears, I'd be in real trouble. It was fun. What a magnificant day for a bike ride. The weather was flawless, with scattered clouds drifting slowly over acres of reeds where ducks, white-beaked geese and redwing blackbirds congregate to sing and play. I finally found that little bridge-pier I've been wondering about so long, sat on the bench at the end of it, and counted my many blessings in quiet solitude.

Stop With All The Fuss Already.

About ripping music. Really. I'm just happy to be able to touch a button on a box and have nice music come out. We don't really need a big storm over who gets to hear what, and how much they have to pay for the opportunity, do we? Last night, The Simpsons isolated that consciousness with a line about Disney 'owning the rights to G flat.'

I'd rather listen to birds sing. At least they don't charge a cover, and they don't let their egos get in the way of anything. Plus, they all show up on time, sober.

Ever notice that most of the artists crying foul aren't worth a tinker's dam anyhow?

Today's Will Rogers.

This is the most intelligent statement I have read so far: "I hate everything about this war except that we're winning it," he said. "You can't even be critical, either, without sounding unpatriotic." Andy Rooney is a national treasure.

Nature Calls.

A little bird got trapped in the stairwell today and was cheeping in panic. Found her way out eventually, but she really lit up the halls for a while there.

Garden Imititates Life.

I saw something touching this morning. I have a neighbor who is an avid gardener, with a wildly crowded front yard. We've not yet spoken, but every day I admire this fragrant little personal arboretum. It's always changing. In one side spot where a stand of tomato plants have gone to seed, gnarled weeds have sprung about four feet high even to the point of blooming. I'd pulled a bunch of these rocket-weeds out of my yard last weekend. Back in my neighbor's yard, bright sprays of red and yellow nasturtiums interwine throughout the homely briars, in a poignant gesture of beauty and pain. Such as life. I think he's intentionally leaving it that way for a while to see if anyone notices.

Fresh From the "What A Burn" Files.

It's unnerving at times to think that someone with a voice like Madonna's could become so ridiculously famous in the music business. So, when I read articles like this, I know there is justice in the world. I cringe every time I suffer the sound of her caterwauling. You know when those little hairs stand up on the back of your neck, much like when fingernails slowly screeeech down a chalkboard? If she were half as smart as the media say she is, she would just go away but, for the sake of the art, go quietly please. Take Sinead's advice and gracefully "say goodbye."

{Style points for the hacker, and a big nod to The Smoking Gun for bringing it. I'd have loved to have seen her face pucker when she found out about it.}

Some Kind of Sign?

I conducted an experiment today. I have a home phone number that ends in -**00. I get a lot of strange wrong numbers. I don't want to change it because of the lengths I'd have to go to to rearrange my life. Just for fun, I did a Google search on my number just to see what kinds of companies share the same basic seven digits, excluding the area code. What turned up were: A commissioner at the SEC (name withheld, professional courtesy); three (3) psychological help associations (the North Carolina Psychological Association, Pathways Systems and Anxieties, and the HealthyPlace.com Anxiety and Panic Community); and two (2) funeral homes (one in Davis, California, the other in Cuyahoga County, Ohio). Ergo, when I get rich, go crazy and die, hopefully in that order, at least I'll have the phone numbers handy.

Note of Thanks.

My boss brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in my favorite colors for staff appreciation day. Being associated with this person has got to be some kind of karmic reward.

To Terry of the Sierra:

Thanks for your little note. I was in a rush, just having gotten back from vacation, when I flash-read it, smiled, trashed some spam and logged off, wishing to reply later when I had time. Sadly, when I returned to my inbox the next day, your email was gone. I must have accidentally checked it for deletion in haste. So, I wanted to thank you for the smile, and send you warmest regards today and always. I am very pleased you and the others who have written like my blog style enough to drop me a line. I regret that it is missing, it was so very nice.

A Rich Story.

We all know who we wouldn't want to be right now, but you know who I *would* like to be? One of the people who found all that money in Baghdad. If only I could have been there. Rooms full of hundreds upon thousands of aluminum boxes filled with stacks upon stacks of delicious, fresh, raw American cash. That sounds like either something from a dream I had, or a story I once read about finding buried treasure. At the least, I'd certainly like to hear one of these people tell the story of how it felt inside when they discovered it. It must have been both exciting and morbid when you really think about it.

Four Peeves:

1. Aiming the Freeze 'n' Shine spray directly at a certain spot, only to have it beam a solid stream, usually in the direction of my eyes, irregardless of where was originally intended to land.
2. Raw or blanched broccoli florets are annoyingly difficult to stab with flimsy plastic forks (the only cutlery available at the office) and keep catapulting themselves off at the last nanosecond, landing directly on or in the décolletage. (Test this theory yourself sometime, it can be rather entertaining depending on your mood. The tines spread, then return to original position after the broccoli wins a short but effective battle of physics.)
3. Undetected coffee grounds hiding at the bottom of my cup that unexpectedly enter when I take that last swig (mega-gak).
4. Bartenders who get huffy when asked for a certain extra ingredient they personally deem unworthy of their "creation," such as a lime in a martini.

Oh, the horror.

Crash Course: How To Avoid Jury Duty 101.

Ahem. Cary Stayner was from Modesto. Maybe they'll try Scott Peterson here in Santa Clara County, too. If his defense is smart, they'll move for change of venue to some far-distant county such as Lassen, Yuba, Sutter, Mono or Humbolt. While I have never actually heard of anyone moving for venue change to Humbolt County, this may be an intelligent strategy to consider.

If by a miracle I were chosen for duty, know what I'd do? I'd be all sweetness and light during selection pretending to be a defense's dream juror. A poker-faced, "Innocent until proven guilty, and I truly, deeply believe that he could have been framed." And if by another miracle they actually chose me to sit? I'd vote to convict no matter what the defense, he is obviously guilty. They've put him at the scene of the crime, established motive, and have a plethora of evidence.

Actually blogging about my surreptitious intent is a sure-fire way to avoid jury duty. I scare myself just thinking about the power of this.

The 2003 Amusingly Bad Taste Award Goes To...

...CNN!

While most of us are all for preparedness, CNN's premature obits go wildly beyond the pale. Particularly amusing are the "Queen" references in the unfinished Cheney piece.

She's Iron Clad!

I got home yesterday to find an enormous box on my doorstep from KFOG! I thought I was going to get a little envelope with a t-shirt at the most, or maybe even Scoop's new book, some cool prize, BUT how thrilled I am and overjoyed to have received an official big red and black Iron Chef soft cooler stuffed full of goodies!! Including:

- Two (2) extremely cool Iron Chef t-shirts (one is black with a silhouette of the chefs on the front, the other beige with a wild photo of Chen that creatively reads "CHEN")
- Four (4) Iron Chef travel mugs
- A fancy wood Iron Chef cutting board
- The official Iron Chef book, in hardback of course, which I am really enjoying reading, and
- An Iron Chef fridge magnet!!

Thanks, KFOG! Promotions outdid themselves. I'm ecstatic, and wearing the black Iron Chef t-shirt as I blog.

AND, I am proud to say I've been a Foghead for a couple of decades now, going ay-waaaaay back to M Dung (whom I don't miss much now that the morning show is so totally tops) and good ol' Coz McMuffin. Admittedly --and this is a humble truth-- I fell in love with Dave Morey from the moment I first heard him speak, for that oh-so delicious voice of his. Fell in love with someone's voice! Last time that happened I was listening to the Beatles (yay) sing "Michelle" for the first time. I was five years old sitting outside the A&W in the back seat of my parents' blue Buick LeSabre, waiting for my dad to return with my Baby Burger.

Now, to get Scoop's new book....

What a Trip.

Disneyland and California Adventure were fantastic. All the kids and cousins, pops and moms, aunts and an uncle. The details of all our departures and arrivals, living and cooking arrangements meshed together so well, and we all had a total blast. Soarin' Over California was a major hit. You sit in a chair that, when the ride starts, is pushed up into an IMAX screen so your entire field of vision, up, down and peripheral, is filled with the movie screen. The chairs mimick the motion of flight, and you really feel like you are flying. Aromas are injected into the air to compliment what you're seeing all around you, whether it's rainforest, ocean breeze or orange grove. It is the most incredible experience. I went on it three times. Wish I could do that every day. Special thanks to my parents for making it all possible. We had so much fun, and made many wonderful memories. They certainly have crowd control down to an art form. What a grand place to spend time with family.

Winner!

Hey, I won that crazy Iron Chef contest KFOG had. A runner up. Cool, eh? They're mailing me a prize, and I can't wait to see what it is. First prize was a trip to Philadelphia to watch a taping of the show. I'll let you know what I won when it arrives. She who has not eaten a hot dog in over a decade. It was all in my mind's wild bad eye. The whiskey is primarily intended to kill the taste of {gak!} canned meat. My baby brother, bless his heart, used to scarf those things mercilessly. First prize was interesting. They used cream cheese to kill the taste. Whatever works.

The Justification.

Most of the bitter feelings towards Bush that I have been harboring are assuaged after seeing this photograph. Children imprisoned as long as five years, for refusing to join the Baath party, were freed today.

Going South.

I will be off line for the next week. Heading to Disnaylayand with the Whole Damn Fam. All the news later on this station, so stay tuned. Over and out!

Our Tax Dollars At Work.

I recently emailed Senator Feinstein regarding environmental issues. In order to do so, one must fill in certain fields including title (Mr./Mrs./Ms./Other), first name, last name, etc. Here is the first paragraph of my response:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other Pamela Russell
Milpitas, California 95035

Dear Other Russell:

I am sending you a copy of my latest newsletter because
you have written me recently about issues that concern you before
the U.S. Senate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am grateful for the response, don't get me wrong. I just found the salutation rather humorous.

X Thinking.

I asked my 15-year-old daughter what she thought about the war in Iraq. She said, "It doesn't matter what I think, Mom. They're going to do whatever they're going to do, no matter what anyone thinks." To me she is, sadly, simultaneously incorrect and correct.

Screenplay.

After buying a newspaper, a young woman enters a coffee shop and encounters an old woman sitting alone. The old woman appears desperate somehow, perhaps homeless and coming in from the cold. She is staring at the younger woman, which makes them both uncomfortable. Unable to resist, the older woman approaches her and politely says, “Excuse me. I cannot help but notice, you look absolutely identical to someone I once knew. Here,” she says, pulling a photo out of a frayed wallet. “Look.” Petrified, the girl blinks and slowly pulls her eyes down to the graying photograph, whose edges are worn. “May I?” She takes the picture from the old woman’s hands and brings it closer to her eyes to get a better look. “That’s amazing,” she says looking up from the photo, straight into the old woman’s eyes and down again. “It’s me. But, I don’t remember those clothes, or that hair. This is me, see, you can tell.” She points to a small birthmark on her chin. “Where did you get this?” “I had it taken,” she says, smiling, cocking her head to one side, running a knobbed hand through silvery webs of her hair. “Are you in a hurry? Do you have time to sit and chat?” The young woman calculated for a moment and said, “Sure. Let’s find a table.”

90% Sure.

I think I dated this guy a few years ago.

My Toque's In The Ring.

This Saturday, the Food Channel is showing the Iron Chef Masters Cookoff Battle. Ergo, KFOG is having its own Iron Chef contest for Fogheads. The ingredients you must use are Vienna sausages, ketchup and Top Ramen. To make it challenging, the only method of cooking allowed is the microwave. See my entry, below. I'll let you know what if anything I hear from KFOG.

Whiskey Sausages in Sunflower Ramen with Asparagus Spears
For The Microwave (Serves: 1)
You Will Need Three (3) Microwave-Safe Glass Bowls: 1 large, 1 medium, and 1 small.

The Ingredients:
Twelve asparagus spears
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. Olive oil
1 package chicken-flavored Top Ramen
1 tsp. curry powder
1-½ tsp. warm water
3 Tbsp. butter
¼ Cup dry-roasted sunflower seeds (not in shells)
1 Tbsp. fresh parsley, finely chopped
2 cans Vienna sausages, drained
3/4 Cup ketchup
1/2 Cup brown sugar, packed
1/3 Cup Jack Daniels Whiskey
Chopped parsley for garnish
1 scallion (aka green onion), thinly sliced
Fresh ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Place a large plate in the oven.
Wash and trim asparagus to 4” tips. Place in medium microwave-safe glass bowl, add 1 cup of water and 1 tsp. salt, cover tightly with plastic wrap and microwave 2-3 minutes, until slightly soft. Do not overcook. Drain well, drizzle with olive oil and toss. Set aside.

The Noodles:
Place ramen in large glass bowl, cover with 3 cups water, and add ½ of soup base packet. Microwave 4 minutes or until just soft. Do not overcook. While noodles are cooking, place remaining ½ of soup base packet in separate small glass container. Add curry and warm water. Mix well and set aside. Remove noodles from microwave, drain well, return to bowl, and set aside. Add butter to curry mixture, and microwave 30 seconds until melted. Remove from microwave, whisk well and pour over noodles. Add 1 Tbsp. chopped parsley, sunflower seeds and toss. Set aside.

The Whiskey Sausages:
Mash together ketchup and brown sugar in medium glass bowl. Add 1 to 1½ tsp. warm water, if necessary, to mix well. Use wire whisk to reduce lumps. Microwave ketchup and brown sugar mix, loosely covered with plastic wrap, for 3 minutes. While ketchup mixture is cooking, carefully separate and remove sausages from can with a butter knife. Slice sausages to ½ inch thick. Remove ketchup mix from microwave and stir well. Fold in sliced Vienna sausages. Microwave 1 minute. Remove, add whiskey, mix again and microwave 1 minute. Remove from microwave, add fresh ground pepper, and stir well. Gently sip left-over whiskey.

The Presentation:
Arrange asparagus tips on warmed plate with tips pointing outward like numbers on a clock. Sprinkle outer rim of platter and asparagus tips with remaining chopped parsley. Using a small spoon, dot outer rim of plate with small squiggles of whiskey sauce. Arrange noodles on asparagus in a small ring. Using slotted spoon, add whiskey sausages to center of noodle ring, and sprinkle with sliced scallion. Give the dish two to three turns of fresh ground black pepper, sip left-over whiskey, and serve.